Let Me Introduce You To My Little Friend

The Apple Corer & Slicer:


I really wish I had thought of this first because it has revolutionized my world.

Plus, I would be a gazillionaire, which is not a bad gig I hear.

Let's examine the magic up close shall we?

Step 1: Place apple on stable surface/ cutting board/ your leg if you're driving (no judgment here.)

Sidenote: I don't have a picture of this step because a.) I'm lazy and b.) my photographer flew the coop tonight to view some un-American sport called "soccer" or something. As if that version of football could ever trump March Madness. I mean really where are his priorities? Sigh, the trials and tribulations for being in an "intercultural relationship.")

Anyhoo...

Step B: Next you want to place the world's best invention on top of said apple, as demonstrated below:

It's important to line up the circle around the core.

Just sayin...

Finally, for Step Tres: Using all your muscular might, press the apple slicer straight down to the cutting board!

And Voila! Your apple has been sliced and cored all at the same time!

It's a miracle, I tell ya.

Plus if you're OCD like me, you'll squeal in delight at how evenly matched the slices of your apples are.

Or maybe you'll clap your hands too because now your apple resembles synchronized swimmers and suddenly you're transported back to your childhood where you spent hours in the pool trying to emulate those capped beauties whose red lipstick and thick mascara oddly enough never smeared despite the wet environment.

Or maybe not and you'll just eat your apple like normal people. But I left normalcy a long time ago. It was rather dull.