Twitter Dee Dee and Twitter Dah Dah

I don't do Twitter. But if I did, here are my hypothetical tweets or twits (or whatever they're called...)

• Eating salads proves to be inherently messy and I'm getting lazier with my salad manners. Should I care about the various bits of leaves and carrots dangling from my mouth while in the presence of co-workers?
  
• Why are Jon & Kate Plus Crazy on the cover of every magazine? I am tired of them. And so is the rest of America.
• Remember the Bane of My Existence? Well it has returned. With a vengeance! But I shall conquer it once more! Because I am a woman in possession of two opposable thumbs, so hear me roar!
• I recently met someone who flat out refuses to read. Anything. No magazines, newspapers, Internet, blogs, Playboy, books, books on tape, CD covers. Nothing, Nada, ZERO. I asked "Are you a vacation reader?" No. "Are you a once in a blue moon reader?" Never. "Are you a closet reader?" The door is wide open and there ain't no shelves for books. He said "I don't read. Period. I don't find it beneficial." To which I thought, thank ya Jesus I live in a republic and not a straight out democracy. Because that.is.scary.
• Summertime makes me very happy. VERY happy. It's all the vitamin D. I could never overdose on it.
  
• Twitter really suits the random minded (like myself) or the bored ...(also ...like myself.) This is why it must be avoided. I draw the line at you Twitter. But at least it will give Ashton Kutcher and me something to talk about now besides Oprah.
  

Happy Memorial Day Weekend Yall!